How important is it to a man that his wife (or future wife) let him have his "guy time"?
Guy time is extremely valuable for a married man, but it’s not a right, it’s a privilege. By that I mean that men often assume that once they get married, they can pick up where they left off with their guy friends, anything from weekend golf to frequenting strip clubs.
Women want to know, first and foremost, that they are a priority. If he makes sure that she feels valued, then he can next begin to ask for what he needs, but not if she thinks that it’s her expense.
And what role does a woman play in this arrangement? She 1) should agree to listen to her husbands ideas for guy time without judgment, 2) should not choose for him what he does or whom it does it with [big caveat here—if it involves single guys picking up women, or using drugs or alcohol, then it’s fair game for a wife to say “no”] 3) should agree specifically what the activity will and how long it will last, 4) agree how and when to “check in,” and not randomly call and text 5) help her husband succeed at getting it right—work with him to set his cell phone alarm for when he turns into a pumpkin and then 6) greet him warmly when he comes home.
Try adding a little guy time to a husband's marriage. It will benefit both of you!
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Monday, July 19, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Newlywed Problems
Common Newlywed Problems, and how to fix them.
Defining roles: prior to marriage they may each assume that the other will take certain roles (breadwinner, bill payer, housecleaner, nurse, mechanic, etc.) but probably they either didn't discuss or they were being over idealistic.
Fix: Sit down to review household roles, negotiate, focus first how YOU can help, not on how your partner is letting you down!
Money: If families don't define their core values, they'll end up spending money on just about anything they want at the moment. Then, they'll blame the spouse for the lack of dough to pay the bills.
Solution: define your values; what matters in the house? Vacations, entertainment, spirituality, etc. Once you do that, you can better know how to budget your money.
New child in house: Most couples think this will draw them closer together, but often it becomes a source of friction because a baby is like a Rorschach test--each parent think he/she knows what's best for him. Usually the mother's anxiety will guide the level at which the husband is "permitted" to participate to raise children.
Solution: Hold off on having children if possible at least until you get some of the other issues worked on. Assume your partner always has your child's best interest in mind, rather than assume your way is the best way. If disagreements arise, agree to talk about them when you are not fuming at each other, but at times when you can quietly discuss them
Defining roles: prior to marriage they may each assume that the other will take certain roles (breadwinner, bill payer, housecleaner, nurse, mechanic, etc.) but probably they either didn't discuss or they were being over idealistic.
Fix: Sit down to review household roles, negotiate, focus first how YOU can help, not on how your partner is letting you down!
Money: If families don't define their core values, they'll end up spending money on just about anything they want at the moment. Then, they'll blame the spouse for the lack of dough to pay the bills.
Solution: define your values; what matters in the house? Vacations, entertainment, spirituality, etc. Once you do that, you can better know how to budget your money.
New child in house: Most couples think this will draw them closer together, but often it becomes a source of friction because a baby is like a Rorschach test--each parent think he/she knows what's best for him. Usually the mother's anxiety will guide the level at which the husband is "permitted" to participate to raise children.
Solution: Hold off on having children if possible at least until you get some of the other issues worked on. Assume your partner always has your child's best interest in mind, rather than assume your way is the best way. If disagreements arise, agree to talk about them when you are not fuming at each other, but at times when you can quietly discuss them
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