The (New) Measure of a Man

This Article looks at research that show men have different views on masculinity than people assume.

"The study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine included interviews with more than 27,000 randomly selected men from eight countries (Germany, U.S., U.K., Spain, Brazil, Mexico, Italy and France.
"Regardless of age or nationality, the men more frequently ranked good health, harmonious family life and good relationships with their wife or partner as more important to their quality of life than material, self-fulfilling or purely sexual concerns. There was no significant difference in rankings of masculinity and quality of life characteristics between men who experienced erectile dysfunction and those who did not.
"The study, part of the Men's Attitudes to Life Events and Sexuality (MALES) project, aimed to determine characteristics of masculinity and quality of life in men with and without self-reported erectile dysfunction, and how those ideas of masculinity might affect seeking help and treatment.
"Many meanings, positive and negative, are attached to the term, 'masculinity,'" said Julia Heiman, director of The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University and an author of this study. "To ask a large sample of men what comprises their own sense of masculinity is very useful for both the media and for research. These results suggest we should pay attention and ask rather than presume we know."
"Findings of the study include:

• Overall, being seen as honorable was considered the most important quality in the construct of masculinity.
  
• Compared to men without erectile dysfunction, the experience of erectile dysfunction neither increased nor decreased the importance men placed on having an active sex life or having success with women, although men with erectile dysfunction reported less satisfaction with their sex lives.
  
• Men who seek treatment for erectile dysfunction do not differ in their views of masculinity from those who do not seek help.
  "Being seen as a man of honor" was cited as the most important attribute of masculine identity in Spain, Brazil, Mexico, United States and France, while "being in control of your own life" was the most important in Germany, the United Kingdom and Italy.

"The findings emphasize that men across cultures and ages value couple relationships over purely sexual pleasure and indicate that men are particularly concerned about their partnered relationships, whether or not they report erectile dysfunction."

Here's what I think:

The results of this study should be reassuring to men around the world, and to the women who love them. Men often get labeled as being focused on physical characteristics, either of themselves or of their mates, or on their sexual appetites. This study suggests that the core needs of men reflect issues of character, not just issues of physical pleasure or perfection.

In many years of dealing with men, many of them will tell me that the sense of honor is one of the predominant traits that they hold to. While divorce rates in the United States, demonstrate that more than two thirds of separations and divorces are precipitated by women, this study helps to elucidate why men will stay in marriage, even in times when they are not happy. Men will frequently refer to the sense of honor and duty as a reason that they stay in marriage. Moreover, as the finding of this study suggests, men deeply desire harmonious family life and good relationships with their wives. This further supports the rationale behind husbands’ ongoing efforts to stick with their marriage vows.

While some in our society believe we are moving toward a unisex culture, and continue to look for signs that men are becoming more metrosexual than ever, the results of this study reflect one stereotype about men that continues to be true: They are action oriented. The main message of the study is that what matters for men is the answer to the following question: What is the end result of the efforts that I make? When a man can look at his life and see that the decisions and actions he has taken reflect honor, integrity, and the capacity to follow through on his promise, nothing can be more satisfying.