Q: When a relationship has ended, it is sometimes hard for the person in the situation, due to depression, embarrassment or pride to reach out to friends for help. How does someone reach out?
A: When your up against the challenge of reigniting old friendships you’ve got two competing issues to deal with. On one hand, studies show that in women in particular, memory for emotionally based adverse events are held on to for a long time (forever?), so it’s not likely she’ll forget about how she was treated when you were focused on Mr. Wonderful. On the other hand, women genuinely find bonding and interrelating very emotionally soothing, and they have a wonderful ability to empathize. They want to care for you, but you have to be willing to show some contrition, and let some of your sadness and disappointment show. Your real friends will come out of the woodwork; your false friends my use your vulnerability to chide you or put you down, but you can choose not to pay attention to them.
Q: On the flip side if you see that your friend isn’t reaching out, how do you approach her to help?
A: She may be afraid that you will judge her negatively, or that you won’t understand her. Let her know that you’re there for a listening ear. If she’s not into the “crying on your shoulder” routine, instead invite her out for something lighthearted—maybe even an action movie or documentary, where she won’t have to talk, and she won’t have to watch Hugh Grant win over Drew Barrymore
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Vim and Sexual Vigor
Q: How/why does fatigue or lack of fitness diminish a man's sex drive? What can the average guy to boost his libido?
A: Like the Timex watch, men are designed to have their bodies take a licking, but have their libido keep on ticking. However, at a certain point, physical or mental exhaustion will lowers a guy’s reproductive urges. That is because the body tries to conserve resources; from a evolutionary point of view, a species shuts down reproduction when there isn’t enough energy to sustain the body. For instance, in concentration or POW camps, with lack of food and other deprivation, the sex drive disappears, while in US prisons, with plenty of food and leisure time, there is no decline in sex drive. While men’s sex drive tend to be on autonomous (that is, not driven by external conditions), it still affected by a man’s state of mind. Depression or mental exhaustion rob a man of being able to make a visual picture of the pleasure that sex may give him, so he will be less inclined to have sexual urges pop into his head. Occasionally, poor physical health may include lack of proper nutrition, and occasionally vitamin or mineral deficiencies lead to lack of libido. (Just about every vitamin is implicated in the cascade of hormones and physiology associated with sexual functioning.)
There are ways of countering the effects of stress. One is to schedule time for exercise daily, which helps to boost testosterone. Another is to put aside time to meditate, pray, or do yoga. These decrease emotional stress and improve relaxation, an important component for interest in sex.
Also, because sex may not be as autonomous in the stressed out guy, there may need to be external triggers to get thing going. Reducing tension in the relationship with your mate is helpful—an angry or despondent partner isn’t a sexual turn on. Also, your partner may need to take the lead an initiate sex; that may be a role reversal, but it can often lead to an increase in sexual interest.
A: Like the Timex watch, men are designed to have their bodies take a licking, but have their libido keep on ticking. However, at a certain point, physical or mental exhaustion will lowers a guy’s reproductive urges. That is because the body tries to conserve resources; from a evolutionary point of view, a species shuts down reproduction when there isn’t enough energy to sustain the body. For instance, in concentration or POW camps, with lack of food and other deprivation, the sex drive disappears, while in US prisons, with plenty of food and leisure time, there is no decline in sex drive. While men’s sex drive tend to be on autonomous (that is, not driven by external conditions), it still affected by a man’s state of mind. Depression or mental exhaustion rob a man of being able to make a visual picture of the pleasure that sex may give him, so he will be less inclined to have sexual urges pop into his head. Occasionally, poor physical health may include lack of proper nutrition, and occasionally vitamin or mineral deficiencies lead to lack of libido. (Just about every vitamin is implicated in the cascade of hormones and physiology associated with sexual functioning.)
There are ways of countering the effects of stress. One is to schedule time for exercise daily, which helps to boost testosterone. Another is to put aside time to meditate, pray, or do yoga. These decrease emotional stress and improve relaxation, an important component for interest in sex.
Also, because sex may not be as autonomous in the stressed out guy, there may need to be external triggers to get thing going. Reducing tension in the relationship with your mate is helpful—an angry or despondent partner isn’t a sexual turn on. Also, your partner may need to take the lead an initiate sex; that may be a role reversal, but it can often lead to an increase in sexual interest.
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